I’m using the daily prompt again, for yesterday.
Actually, I was going to try and write something at work today but… um… yeah, right. LOL (I actually said “lol” in my head as I typed that… sad, I’ve gone over to the dark side, the bad one).
Anyways, the prompt was:
Take a quote from your favorite movie — there’s the title of your post. Now, write!
Again, giving my age away here but, does anyone out there remember a movie called Don Juan Demarco?
Well, there is a scene in the movie, towards the end where the doctor (Brando) asks his wife (Dunaway) what her dreams and aspirations are.
And she says “I thought you’d never ask.” Bearing in mind that this happens when they have been married for 20+ years and are at the start of the twilight years. I think I watched that movie when I was 22, 23? Thereabouts. And I remember how poignant that one single line was then. All these years later, it still has the same effect but with some bitter sweet frosting thrown in.
Well, believe it or not, no one has ever asked me what my dreams and aspirations are.
Yeah, thanks for that people. Now I have to try and figure it out for myself.
The emotions are all scramble again because I ventured further down the rabbit hole today. It was a bit hectic and exhausting and it was rather painful. Possibly the most painful part that I realised today was how alone I have been my entire life.
Something that has always bothered and annoyed me is that people have continuously given me well intended encouragement like “You can be anything you want to be,” “You are such an amazing person, you can have the world,” “You are so intelligent and witty and charming, you really should be doing more with your life.” All that is great and wonderful and really flattering but, like I said to the Doc today, “No one tells you how. Where is the manual?” And I realise now, many hours later, by saying that I was confessing that I have been missing one very important ingredient my whole life – support.
And I got homework. I now have to write down What I Want From Life… What Are My Needs?
To be honest, I have absolutely NO idea. I even had to ask what a “need” is because I am guessing oxygen and water wasn’t really what the Doc had in mind.
I did get asked twice today if I’m okay. Another realisation was that I don’t really get asked that question often, not with genuine concern. It was kind of nice, it hurt but… it was nice.
Right now though, I think my immediate need is bed and a book. Miss Anne Elliot and Captain Wentworth always make me happy.