On Sale: Thinking Caps!

Well, not really but they should be.

One has to be careful when blogging about work related situations – we’ve all heard the horror stories about bloggers who have lost their jobs because they a) blogged about the horrors of their daily toil and colleagues or b) took a photo of themselves in their work uniform and used it as a blog header.  So, if this, and possible future entries, are rather vague, I apologise.  However, I know that the last few Katt Box readers out there are intelligent enough to figure it out.

First a bit of background.  When hunting for a job, in desperation I applied for a position in the retail industry.  This is a first for me, retail is an unknown world.  When I got the position after the standard set of interviews, I took it as an omen.  “It was meant to be.”  And for the most part, I really enjoy what I do.

There are of course, as with any kind of formal employment, hazards and unpleasant obstacles which have to be dealt with.

Hazard:  The fact that you are on your feet for most of the day.  When you arrive home the only thing on your drained mind is lying on the couch and being fed morsels of Lobster Thermidor by some scantily clad toy boy.  Reality however does bite, hard!  I suppose now would be as good a time as any to mention that I have just scoffed down a plate of corned beef and Smash.  Oh stop puking!  Corned beef really doesn’t deserve the bad rap it gets.

What was I saying?  Oh…

Obstacles:  Most commonly these walk through the doors and seek your assistance in some way or another.  More often than not, the said bipeds are pleasant people who engage you in a bit of witty banter, pay for your pleasant (most of the time) services and leave.  But, there are of course the odd few who unsettle you and make you wonder if they fell out of bed and forgot to put on their thinking caps.

One of the services we offer is to allow you, the valued customer, a safe haven to deliver your precious missives, after which we redirect it to that place which promptly loses your precious missives, SOAP.  Because we are relying on SOAP to play middle man, we have no way of guaranteeing SOAP’s service.

So, enter Interesting Obstacle with carefully wrapped missive.  Obstacle states that he needs the missive to reach a local destination within the next two weeks (throw a few public holidays into those next two weeks to complicate matters).  Your smiling face informs him that you can indeed offer him the option to have his precious missive hand delivered to the door with yet another smile.  Obstacle is not prepared to pay for the hand delivered service and would rather take his chances with SOAP.

How do you avoid looking like a landed guppy when the same Obstacle walks through the doors a week later and asks “Do you have any news about my letter?  Has it arrived?”

What you don’t say is “How the hell should I know” but what you do say is “But sir, you chose the option of sending it with SOAP.  We have to hope and pray for the best because there is no way we can trace its movements.”

*sneak one thinking cap into his bag*

Or the time yet another Interesting Obstacle walks through the door and asks you to please perform that amazing technological miracle whereby you send a piece of paper or 20 to a machine at the end of a number.  Dutifully you go about your duties and enter the number the Obstacle has given you.

15 minutes later the same Obstacle is back with his cell ‘phone attached to his ear, giving you a foul look and telling you the piece of paper never reached its destination.  With infinite patience you explain that it was trying to get there but it didn’t seem to want to go through.  Obstacle then confirms the number with the poor soul on the other end of the cell ‘phone call and discovers that he did indeed give you the wrong number.

Correct number, re-enter number, etc, etc.  Obstacle then glares at you and says the person on the other end of the cell ‘phone call is standing at his machine and he has not received the paper.  Your machine however tells you otherwise.  In fact, it tells you the exact time it was delivered and of course you pass this information on.

Obstacle’s conversation with cell ‘phone, “Oh, it is there.  You did get it.”  Inside you seethe and want to say “So much for standing at the machine!”

What you don’t say, “In future, if you give me the wrong bloody number in the first instance, don’t treat me like I am the imbecile and hang around impatiently as if you think I am not doing my job properly.”  What you do say is “Thank you so much.  Have a nice day!”

*throw the Super Charged Thinking Cap at Obstacle’s retreating figure*

Another one of the services we offer is the luxury of being able to have missives, thin and important, or lumpy and precious hand delivered not only within the boundaries of our fair country but also within the boundaries of any other fair country.

This service has however been slightly thwarted by the fact that the folks who convey these missives have decided they are entitled to more money and are not going to convey anything until they have it.

Enter Interesting Obstacle with missive wrapped in dull, brown paper.  It needs to go to fair shores way on the other side of the planet.  “That’s fine,” you say but being dutiful, you feel the need to inform Obstacle that alas, his poor missive is without conveyance until someone gives in and ends the Battle for More Money.

Ah, he understands.  And then duly asks you, “So when do you think the Battle will be over so my missive can be sent on its journey.”

What you don’t say is “Give me a moment, I will go and consult my crystal ball which has all the answers to situations political, financial and esoteric.”  What you do say is “Well, sir, it depends on how long the Battle wages for.  Rumour has it that it should be over by then end of the Easter weekend.”

*Don’t bother with the Thinking Cap.  Some Obstacles just don’t deserve them*

It wasn’t all bad though.  I got banana bread at work today.